Top Ten Movies That Had No Business Being Created [2008]

1. Mirrors - OhmyfuckingCHRIST! Shield your pretty eyes, I did [well, actually I fell asleep.] I went to the drive-in Double Feature, and thank the gods it wasn't shown first. The first feature was Babylon A.D. which was the shiite [aha! cussing with religions - anewgame.] Luckily I got up to pee at just the right moment [the only good part of the movie] - where the blond chick rips her own face off. Loved it. The ending was pretty great as well.

2. Disaster Movie - What a waste of film-production budget. They should have cut this movie and used the budget to assuage a real disaster - like Amy Winehouse's hair.

3. Zack And Miri Make A Porno - Thank the Lord I skipped through it. And by "it" I mean "all of it". This was the most idiotic excuse for a movie -- and it hit the theatres too!!!! A cinephiles nightmare -- this would've been a lot better if it had just been a real porno. Then I wouldn't have been tempted by the television trailers. GOD IT LOOKED SO FUNNY, WHAT HAPPENED? Some trailers should just stay trailers.

4. Meet The Spartans - I wasted 80-something minutes of my life for one funny part?! And I can't even remember the punch-line. Something about Carmen Electra's Chastity Belt -- yeah right!

5. Saw V - Okay, I haven't even watched this one - I admit it. But you just can't make a Jigsaw Killer movie without the Jigsaw Killer. Also, horror movies should NOT have more than 2 sequels. As previously demonstrated by: Puppet Master 5 , Children of the Corn 4, Phantasm 4, and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 [some of the Worst Horror Movie Sequels]. Sorry, only Chuckie gets the goodies.

6. Shutter - It had so much promise, and was actually a bit good in the beginning . . . But it just went wrong. I can't explain it. If I were a trooper, I would endure it again and make a Ten Things list about why it sucked dirty Asian earwax, but I'm just not willing to sacrifice myself for you guys, sorry.

7. Quarantine - Oh my God, could there be a worse movie [please don't answer! pleasepleaseplease!] My cousin made me watch this on Christmas day. Kitkat -- from way out in the country -- called me crying: she could feel just how sucky it was.

8. The Happening - OMGEHZF987 WHAT HAPPENED? I'll tell you what, nothing happened. Absolute nothing. This film was the King of Nothing Movies. An hour and a half of hype of "something's going on, what is it?". The only thing that was going on when I watched the movie was the decrease of brain activity.

9. Revolutionary Road - Hey, let's take the 1950's and put in a fighting couple who moves into a uniform town where nothing happens but a lot of "get me outta here" and "no, bby, we'll be fine!" Poor Leo, I remember when he was in such meaningful treasures as Titanic.



10. Disaster Movie - A note to whoever makes these "movies" -- stop. Before the entire human population goes blind.

Just making this list makes me proud that in just one more day, we'll leave 2008 [and all of its craptastic films] behind. Some trailers like Coraline, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,