Top Ten Movies That Had No Business Being Created [2008]

1. Mirrors - OhmyfuckingCHRIST! Shield your pretty eyes, I did [well, actually I fell asleep.] I went to the drive-in Double Feature, and thank the gods it wasn't shown first. The first feature was Babylon A.D. which was the shiite [aha! cussing with religions - anewgame.] Luckily I got up to pee at just the right moment [the only good part of the movie] - where the blond chick rips her own face off. Loved it. The ending was pretty great as well.

2. Disaster Movie - What a waste of film-production budget. They should have cut this movie and used the budget to assuage a real disaster - like Amy Winehouse's hair.

3. Zack And Miri Make A Porno - Thank the Lord I skipped through it. And by "it" I mean "all of it". This was the most idiotic excuse for a movie -- and it hit the theatres too!!!! A cinephiles nightmare -- this would've been a lot better if it had just been a real porno. Then I wouldn't have been tempted by the television trailers. GOD IT LOOKED SO FUNNY, WHAT HAPPENED? Some trailers should just stay trailers.

4. Meet The Spartans - I wasted 80-something minutes of my life for one funny part?! And I can't even remember the punch-line. Something about Carmen Electra's Chastity Belt -- yeah right!

5. Saw V - Okay, I haven't even watched this one - I admit it. But you just can't make a Jigsaw Killer movie without the Jigsaw Killer. Also, horror movies should NOT have more than 2 sequels. As previously demonstrated by: Puppet Master 5 , Children of the Corn 4, Phantasm 4, and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 [some of the Worst Horror Movie Sequels]. Sorry, only Chuckie gets the goodies.

6. Shutter - It had so much promise, and was actually a bit good in the beginning . . . But it just went wrong. I can't explain it. If I were a trooper, I would endure it again and make a Ten Things list about why it sucked dirty Asian earwax, but I'm just not willing to sacrifice myself for you guys, sorry.

7. Quarantine - Oh my God, could there be a worse movie [please don't answer! pleasepleaseplease!] My cousin made me watch this on Christmas day. Kitkat -- from way out in the country -- called me crying: she could feel just how sucky it was.

8. The Happening - OMGEHZF987 WHAT HAPPENED? I'll tell you what, nothing happened. Absolute nothing. This film was the King of Nothing Movies. An hour and a half of hype of "something's going on, what is it?". The only thing that was going on when I watched the movie was the decrease of brain activity.

9. Revolutionary Road - Hey, let's take the 1950's and put in a fighting couple who moves into a uniform town where nothing happens but a lot of "get me outta here" and "no, bby, we'll be fine!" Poor Leo, I remember when he was in such meaningful treasures as Titanic.



10. Disaster Movie - A note to whoever makes these "movies" -- stop. Before the entire human population goes blind.

Just making this list makes me proud that in just one more day, we'll leave 2008 [and all of its craptastic films] behind. Some trailers like Coraline, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,

10 Things You'll Definitely See In This Blog

1. Kitkat and Dollface being bitchy - Sorry, but . . . a lot of these posts will be about the ten things we hate. When you see a gem [the word "love" in a posting], treasure it . . . you may not see it again for a while.

2. Useless Top Tens - Even if they're useful, they're just our opinion.

3. Incomplete posts - Ha. I wanted to be post-ironic by not finishing this post. But I realized that would just confirm number 1.

4. A "Top Ten Songs Of The Month" post from both of us - About 1/3 of our lives is music. The other 2/3 is as follows:

Dollface = school and reading/writing/watching television
KitKat = myspace/twilight fansites

5. More postings from Dollface than from Kitkat - Even if she has the password, Katy [Kitkat] probably won't post often. Then again, she has that nifty new laptop.

6. Dollface whoring out her "brand-new, fresh to death" websites - Don't worry, the tragedy only lasts a few weeks, then I delete them.

7. Wishlists - "Top Ten Things I Want For Chrizzmaz/Birthday/Lief Erikson Day!!!!1!1!" and "Buy It Now, Bitch" will probably be among the top posted titles.

8. Links to other sites - Kinda like #6 only the sites aren't Dollface's, and their owners probably don't have "website ADD."

9. Posts with more than ten things - You knew it was inevitable. Listing things is like Lay's Chips - bet you can't write just ten. Wait -- that didn't make as much sense/funny as I thought it did.

10. Posts in which Dollface/Kitkat/BOTH get off track and post things that have nothing to do with the topic hey look a kitty I bet it has a Russian accent - Dollface is notorious for complete topic changes about 5 times in a 3 paragraph blog. Kitkat has a reputation for getting off track without completely getting off track - kinda like when a train switches tracks but the tracks are attached so the train's still on the SAME TRACK, just not going to the same destination as the original track . . . [?]

So that's it - the Ten Things to expect when reading Ten Things. Have fun and don't forget to win the lottery . . . wait, that's not it.

I love you,
Dollface